Added Fun

The last month, arthritis is creeping in. I mean, I was diagnosed with minor arthritis in the hands and feet something like 15 years ago. It never really affected me. It just showed up in x-rays and blood tests. Well, now it's actually hurting, mainly in the little fingers. If I remember correctly, it was rheumatoid in the hands and osteo in the feet.

Anyone know any magic for slowing down RA? I really don't need that added to my plate. My buffet has already taken all of the room there.

Fibro-Catch 22

So, see, there's this thing...

This happens from time to time. I am in so much pain that I can't get myself to bed. The best way to get beyond this pain? Going to bed. 

Yeah.

I know it. I know it. I really know it. And I'm not moving.

And, no, I'm not one of those people who can sleep in a chair.

So, I type.

Public Service...

So, yesterday I participated in a panel for health care providers all about patients who live with chronic pain. It was interesting hearing from two other patients -- both of whom I know, but did not know the extents of what they live with. And they did not know mine either. 

Hidden disorders -- and we help hide them, don't we?

Not Fibro...

Just posting that the dealing is going to be harder for a while. Kodiak lost his battle with cancer. The other two dogs really are not much help with things like walking or other functions. They can lift the spirits, which is a definite help, but they are not as consistent with that as Kodiak was, and really don't help with any of the other things he did to make my life easier.

Maybe it's time to retire...  ugh.

Another Scary Night -- Halloween Prep?

So, last night might not have been Fibro. I felt like I'd been poisoned, or filled with scrubbing bubbles, or the stuff you shoot into the wall to fill the void space, and it quadruples in mass... I'm not sure. All I knew was the pain was ridiculous, but just from the middle of my ribcage down to just below the bottom ribs. It was much more intense and debilitating than the five broken ribs had been. It lasted about 8 hours...

Kodiak was very worried about me. Here he is, battling cancer, and he's trying to take care of me. What a great dog. Still not sure how to return the favor. I do what I can. I guess that's what he's thinking too. 

And today we are getting our first snow.

Scary One Last Night...

I was sitting with the dogs, watching a movie, when my body started shutting down. Everything at once trying not to work. My immediate thought was to get into bed, hoping to sleep it off. But that meant shepherding the dogs as needed, including getting one into his kennel and then the other two up the staircase with me. Buddy went into his kennel like a charm. Kodiak could tell I was not in great shape, so he kept a little distance on the stairs. The new pup, Mr. B, did not understand at all, and thought it was a game. Fortunately he likes to win, so I tried to make it look like a race, and he bolted. 

All's well that ends well. I woke up an hour later, totally functional -- well, as functional as I can be. And Mr. B felt like a victor. 

Fibro Fog... Aaarrgggggghhh

So I pulled up to the pump to get gasoline. I ran my credit card, and as usual, it asked for my zip code. No problem, it's 99508. No problem. Except...

I could not remember how to operate the keypad on the pump. 

I was staring at the numbers, thinking "99508... 99508..." over and over. But I could not remember how to get that number out of my head and into the pump. 

Finally I managed to get the two 9s in. I could see the 5. I could see where it was in relation to the 9 button. I had no idea what to do with any of that information.

This only took about a minute total, but OH was I hating fibro fog just then!

Struggles are a Part of the Game

That title for this post is far too correct: "Struggles are a Part of the Game".

But take a look at it with me. Struggles are going to be there, no matter what. But there are two other important words here to remember. (Mind you, I am writing this for me. If it applies to anyone else, you're welcome!) 

Game. In order to play a game, you need to know the rules, but also know how to work within them and with them. You have to strategize. You have to work with what you've got, and turn those things to your advantage whenever possible. And you need to participate. If the struggles are the only entities playing, that game is already lost. 

Part. That's right, they are just a part of what's going on. They are never really the entire picture. Sometimes it's hard to see the good that is going on, but it's there. Fred Rogers taught us (and is still teaching some of us) to look for the helpers in any bad situation. This is not just world, national, or community problems. When I am having a struggle with something in my life, there are helpers -- there are support systems, there are suggestions and solutions, there are people thinking of me -- Mr. Rogers is only one of them! 

So, I'm thinking it's time for me to play, knowing that I've got what it takes to win. Monopoly? Cards Against Humanity? Maybe just a good round of Solitaire... It's game time!

Ugh...

Sorry, that's all I got right now...

Closing Out the School Year

Yes, I love my job. However...

Some aspects of this year have been highly challenging. I had three of those challenges hit me on the same day, and it was too much. My immune system plummeted. In jumped the creeping crud. That was two weeks ago, and I still have not gotten over it. 

And, yes, creeping crud affects Fibro. The Chronic Fatigue Syndrome kicks into overdrive. The seizures are more painful. The mystery pains mix in with the creeping crud pains, and I can't tell which is what.

So now I get to whine and mope and complain about it! Wheeeee! 

Okay, that was good. Now back to stiff-upper-lip land.

And then...

Hoo, boy...

This evening. Nerves on fire. Well, not exactly, but I'm not sure how to describe these. Maybe mini-lightning bolts going off inside my bones? Definitely heat, definitely sudden. Anywhere from 3 to 15 inches long, fairly narrow. Wrists and legs/feet. Lasting anywhere from 10 seconds to several minutes. 3-1/2 hours so far, and no sign of them going away. 

We are not amused. Someone come up with a joke about this, please!

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way From the Forum...

Okay, so I flew to a conference this past weekend -- wonderful experience. But of course, flying always exacerbates seizures. Had one doozy and several small ones on the way down, which really is not bad. And then, on the flight back? None. None. So weird. None. No complaint, of course, but it was strange...

Did have a pretty good one that night, but still, none on the plane!

Earthquake!

6am, Sunday morning, I was not awake yet, but that quake woke me up pretty quickly. And I look over, and Kodiak is sound asleep. I go on Facebook expecting to see posts... nothing. And, yeah, it's just me and one of my seizure things... and I was so sure...

How is it Possible...

Remember those machines from the fifties or sixties that had a big belt that vibrated, you put it around you and lost weight? Well, I've been vibrating at least that hard for the last twenty minutes solid... shouldn't I have lost an inch or two around the waist?

Still Healing/Still Not Healing

Well, the ribs are healing, slowly.

Well, the fibro is still fibro.

Life.

Another Advantage...

Another advantage to being FibroDude -- I currently have four or five dislocated ribs, and one to three of them are probably also broken. This is reality, not Fibro-injuries. I fell, really hard, courtesy of an icy parking lot. 

I'm not sure how well I could have handled this pain if I weren't so used to it all the time. I am definitely not enjoying it, but I have not missed any work so far, and suspect I won't at this point. 

So, Fibro to the rescue once again!

Fascinating Twist

Well, this is a new one...

You know how I frequently feel broken bones that aren't really broken? If you've been following me for a while, you might remember one of the times when I assumed a toe was Fibro-broken only to discover when I took my shoes off that it was actually broken. 

So here's the new adventure. Buddy landed on my toe pretty hard yesterday, whatever, he does it all the time. It hurt for a couple of minutes, whatever, it does that all the time. This morning, getting out of bed, I happened to look at my foot, and see my clearly broken toe -- multiple shades of purple and indigo, and the top 2/3rds of it sideways, about 80 degrees off. Broken. No doubt about it. 

But according to Fibro, it's not broken. Even when I turned it back to face the correct direction. Nothing. No pain. It just feels like a toe. Even if putting weight on my foot doesn't hurt, changing my toe's direction should have. Seriously, nothing. Putting on a sock, then a shoe -- nada. I'm tempted to try tap dancing. I think I will let that temptation pass. 

The lesson learned? Sometime Fibro is my best friend!

Gentle Reminder...

I got a couple of reminders today about how much better I do when I find the humor in my situations. It's true that sometimes pain is not funny. Okay, pain itself is very seldom funny. But the ways I experience it still can be. And I do have a warped enough sense of humor that I should be playing to that more often. 

Feeling like I've got a compound fracture in my right leg? Not funny. Imagining showing a compound fracture in my right leg to the lady in front of me in the express checkstand with her 30-some items, asking if maybe I could go ahead of her with my three so that I can get to the Emergency Room a little faster? Imagining the look on her face? Okay, that's kind of funny...

So, take my fibro... please!

Happy New Year!

Well, half way through Winter Break. So far, so good. Sleep has been way off, but that's not really a problem. I'm getting enough, just not at the normal times. I'll take that. Physically pretty normal for me, problems walking, bones snapping, phantom disturbances -- nothing to report, really.

But it's a new year, and another week without a set schedule. Hopefully the dogs will keep me on my toes for another 8 days!