Public Service...

So, yesterday I participated in a panel for health care providers all about patients who live with chronic pain. It was interesting hearing from two other patients -- both of whom I know, but did not know the extents of what they live with. And they did not know mine either. 

Hidden disorders -- and we help hide them, don't we?

Not Fibro...

Just posting that the dealing is going to be harder for a while. Kodiak lost his battle with cancer. The other two dogs really are not much help with things like walking or other functions. They can lift the spirits, which is a definite help, but they are not as consistent with that as Kodiak was, and really don't help with any of the other things he did to make my life easier.

Maybe it's time to retire...  ugh.

Another Scary Night -- Halloween Prep?

So, last night might not have been Fibro. I felt like I'd been poisoned, or filled with scrubbing bubbles, or the stuff you shoot into the wall to fill the void space, and it quadruples in mass... I'm not sure. All I knew was the pain was ridiculous, but just from the middle of my ribcage down to just below the bottom ribs. It was much more intense and debilitating than the five broken ribs had been. It lasted about 8 hours...

Kodiak was very worried about me. Here he is, battling cancer, and he's trying to take care of me. What a great dog. Still not sure how to return the favor. I do what I can. I guess that's what he's thinking too. 

And today we are getting our first snow.

Scary One Last Night...

I was sitting with the dogs, watching a movie, when my body started shutting down. Everything at once trying not to work. My immediate thought was to get into bed, hoping to sleep it off. But that meant shepherding the dogs as needed, including getting one into his kennel and then the other two up the staircase with me. Buddy went into his kennel like a charm. Kodiak could tell I was not in great shape, so he kept a little distance on the stairs. The new pup, Mr. B, did not understand at all, and thought it was a game. Fortunately he likes to win, so I tried to make it look like a race, and he bolted. 

All's well that ends well. I woke up an hour later, totally functional -- well, as functional as I can be. And Mr. B felt like a victor. 

Fibro Fog... Aaarrgggggghhh

So I pulled up to the pump to get gasoline. I ran my credit card, and as usual, it asked for my zip code. No problem, it's 99508. No problem. Except...

I could not remember how to operate the keypad on the pump. 

I was staring at the numbers, thinking "99508... 99508..." over and over. But I could not remember how to get that number out of my head and into the pump. 

Finally I managed to get the two 9s in. I could see the 5. I could see where it was in relation to the 9 button. I had no idea what to do with any of that information.

This only took about a minute total, but OH was I hating fibro fog just then!

Struggles are a Part of the Game

That title for this post is far too correct: "Struggles are a Part of the Game".

But take a look at it with me. Struggles are going to be there, no matter what. But there are two other important words here to remember. (Mind you, I am writing this for me. If it applies to anyone else, you're welcome!) 

Game. In order to play a game, you need to know the rules, but also know how to work within them and with them. You have to strategize. You have to work with what you've got, and turn those things to your advantage whenever possible. And you need to participate. If the struggles are the only entities playing, that game is already lost. 

Part. That's right, they are just a part of what's going on. They are never really the entire picture. Sometimes it's hard to see the good that is going on, but it's there. Fred Rogers taught us (and is still teaching some of us) to look for the helpers in any bad situation. This is not just world, national, or community problems. When I am having a struggle with something in my life, there are helpers -- there are support systems, there are suggestions and solutions, there are people thinking of me -- Mr. Rogers is only one of them! 

So, I'm thinking it's time for me to play, knowing that I've got what it takes to win. Monopoly? Cards Against Humanity? Maybe just a good round of Solitaire... It's game time!

Ugh...

Sorry, that's all I got right now...